What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?

Time to get it fixed.

What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?

Stall

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away

How do you know he's a peeping tom?

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord?

The leash goes slack...

What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada?

It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

Why did a man bring a ladder to the party?

He heard the drinks were on the house..... I'll see myself out.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

What did the bunny ask his boss for?

A raise in *celery*.

What did the table fan say to his boss when he couldn't get to work on time?

Ah-so-late!

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

Why do white people like cheese so much?

Because they're made from cultures! Edit: Five BLM members disliked this post.

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky! I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Stock Market Jokes More Stock Market Jokes

How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

Spot Jokes More Spot Jokes

How to spot an idiot at the gym?

They put a water bottle where the Pringles go.

How do you spot Will Smith in a snowstorm?

You look for the fresh prints.

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Donor Kebab

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

What's so dark about blonde jokes?

They still haven't figured out how to screw in the lightbulb

Why couldn't the choir director figure out whether Alison Brie was alto soprano?

Everytime he tried, he was told that she was young and that they tried not to sectionalise her.