What can I get for you?

Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do hand grenades and wives have in common?

Remove the ring and your house is gone.

What's the difference between my wife and the dress?

The dress is white and gold

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why does Tom Hiddleston only invite his closest friends/family to his birthday?

He likes to keep things low key.

Why should I shave my downstairs?

Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why can't short people cook?

Because the steaks are too high.

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

M Jokes More M Jokes

Why am I just so naturally funny?

Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

Steak Jokes More Steak Jokes

Why didn't the cow want to go skydiving?

the steaks were too high.

How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!