What is the philosophy of a necrophiliac?

Sit back, relax and crack open a cold one

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Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?

The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.

What did the painter say to the wall?

A: One more crack, and I'll plaster you.

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Why are they arresting that dog?

What did he do?!? (My 6yo upon seeing a police dog sitting in the back of a police car.)

What's Irish and sits on your lawn?

paddy o' furniture

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How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a homeless college student?

A philosophy major

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What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?

They both like to crack open a cold one

What does a Necrophiliac get at funerals?

Mourning Wood

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What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

What can relax you and drown you at the same time?

A one-hour facial.