What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?

Shorts!

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Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of salsa?

2 gals 1 cup(http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my20triptothelocallatinmarketnetted165/)

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

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Why did the belt go to prison?

He held up a pair of pants!

What are calories?

Little elves that tighten your waistband on your pants a little every night

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What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

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What do electricians get for Christmas?

Shorts!

Whats worst than a super long joke?

A short one with no punchline