What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

Valentine Day Jokes More Valentine Day Jokes

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day?

To the Moooovies

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

Calendar Jokes More Calendar Jokes

Why was the calendar depressed?

His days were numbered.

Why did the calendar give up on life?

Because he felt his days were numbered.

Valentine Jokes More Valentine Jokes

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!