Valentine Day Jokes

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day?

To the Moooovies

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What do single people call Valentine's Day?

Independence Day

What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day?

A hug and a little quiche.

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

How do single people honor valentine's day?

By Celibating!

Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?

Cupigs!

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?

Because you can really party hearty!

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?

I'm stuck on you!"

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

Let me call you Tweet heart!

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

Forget-me-nuts.

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?

Ughs and kisses!

What did the runaway melon say to the honeydew on Valentine's Day?

I cantaloupe.

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?

You're purrr-fect for me!

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

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What do you get when astronomers play tic-tac-toe?

Exoplanets Thought that one up myself.

What celestial body do you give your sweetie on valentines day?

An exoplanet.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What did the guy Zebra say to the girl Zebra?

Take ze bra off.

Why do girls like nice guys?

Cause nice guys always finish last.

St. Valentine Day Jokes More St. Valentine Day Jokes

What you gonna do on St. Valentine's day?

What day is it " "Friday." "Shepherd's Pie."

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why did the chicken dance with a fig?

It couldn't get a date.

What's the best part about dating a homeless women?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Valentine Day Card Jokes More Valentine Day Card Jokes

What is Pink and lies on the doormat?

Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Cards

How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards?

I wub wub wub you....

Single People Jokes More Single People Jokes

How do single people honor valentine's day?

By Celibating!

What do single people call Valentine's Day?

Independence Day

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses celebrate Halloween?

Because they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door.

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

Doormat Jokes More Doormat Jokes

How do you say doormat in Spanish?

Matador

What is Pink and lies on the doormat?

Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Cards