When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress?

I'd prefer if you included tigress

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What was Rudolph's nickname?

Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why the hate for necromancers?

T They're just trying to raise a family.

What's the difference between a large pizza and an art student?

A pizza can feed a family.

Prefer Jokes More Prefer Jokes

What do you prefer, flat or sparkling?

Him: Water Me: No, my personality.

How do you think the whole Deflategate situation feels to Tom Brady now?

Probably doesn't feel how he prefers it to...

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

How do you describe Catwoman in one word?

Purrfect

What are the three words you dread the most while making love?

Honey, I'm home."

Describe Jokes More Describe Jokes

Why do women love chocolate?

Because it's the only time 'rich' and 'dark' are used to describe the same thing.

How would you describe yourself?

Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance.

Include Jokes More Include Jokes

What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds, including the urn.

What's your favorite Andrew "Dice" Clay Joke?

Including dirty nursery rhymes.