Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Who are you?

You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record

What's blue, standing in the kitchen?

STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing?

Because it's non binary

Why do you think people hate us so much?

Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

How do you help a sick ghost feel better?

Give it a BOO-quet of flowers!

Stalk Jokes More Stalk Jokes

Why are farmers so wealthy?

Because their stalks are always growing.

What do you do in your free time?

I stalk. " "Really I go swimming and for long hikes" "I know.".