Why are you studying your Easter candy?

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb?

You will find out when the light comes on.

What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

Define intervention." Came up with this today at work.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

What did Chris Christie say when asked if he had plans to run in the 2016 presidential election?

After giving it a substantial amount of thought and discussing it with my advisors, I've decided against it. I mean, I'd love to, and I appreciate those who'd support me, but I feel like I wouldn't be able to take the stress mentally- and physically." After being asked what physical stress he'd experience, he responded: "I don't think I'd be able to handle that much running."