Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did Spartacus feel about going down on his wife?

He was gladiator

What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted?

Brigham Young"

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

Why didn't kids make fun of argon in high school?

They never got a reaction out of him.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why don't I like trees?

They look kinda shady to me

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What do people and pizza have in common?

If they're black, they can't feed a family.

How do you make a rabbit fast?

Don't feed it.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ?

A horse !

What can an Elephant make that no other animal can make?

Baby elephants.