Why did the book join the police?

He wanted to work undercover.

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Why do men, on average, die before women?

Because they want to.

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

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What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel.

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What do you think you're doing driving through that intersection fifty miles an hour?

Driver: My brakes don't work so I was rushing home before I had an accident.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job?

He couldn't see himself doing the work

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Why did the surfer join ISIS?

Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

What did Mr. Freeze call himself when he joined Batman's fight against criminals?

The Dark Knightrogen

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What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.

Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....