Why did the woman leave her overweight husband unconscious in a burning building?

Because she couldn't stand him.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?

500 soles were lost.

How did the hipster burn his tounge?

He bit into his flat bread before it was cool!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal abuse therapy?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?

Barackoli (I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?

A girl has no name.

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Burn Building Jokes More Burn Building Jokes

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a burning building?

Fire Crackers.

What did the Hulk say when he got trapped in a burning building?

Hulk ash!