Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

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What does Spiderman like to get high on?

Mary Jane

What do people who don't like the slippery slope argument call it?

The slippery slope fallacy

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What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?

She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him?

Donald, Duck!

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Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster?

He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

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How do we know JFK was a fan of PDA?

He was all over his wife at the parade

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.