Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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What do you call a French bathroom with a bomb in it?

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Why am I scared of french pastry chefs?

They give me the crepes.

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What's the Russian word for Internet outage?

Internjet

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

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What did Jesus say to Mohammed...?

What did Jesus say to Mohammed 'I died for you' What did Mohammed say in return 'How many did you take with you '

Which woman has Jesus as a nephew?

The Auntie Christ.

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How do you like your eggs?

Fried, scrambled, or fertilized?

Why doesn't Yogi wear shoes?

He likes to go... bearfoot! I'll see myself out...

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What do you call a Russian bovine made out of small flowerless plants?

A moss-cow

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

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What brand of Vacuum Cleaner does Snoop Dogg use?

Bissell

What brand of shoes do chickens wear?

Reebok bok bok

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What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?

Netflix and chill.

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Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.