Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Bottle Jokes More Bottle Jokes

What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

Why can't a policeman win a game of pool?

Because he always shoots the black one first.

What were the French children doing in the pool?

Piscine.

Russian Word Jokes More Russian Word Jokes

What's the Russian word for Internet outage?

Internjet

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

He's always nailed to the boards....

How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

Appear Jokes More Appear Jokes

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

What appears over black man's head when he has an idea?

A fried Chicken leg

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

What did Mr. Freeze do with his wife on their first date?

Netflix and chill.

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What do you call a fish out of water?

Asians? Idk it's been a rough day.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots