Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water?

They were part of a stewicide pact.

How do you make a door hold water?

You open it slightly so it's ajar.

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How do we know JFK was a fan of PDA?

He was all over his wife at the parade

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

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What do you call a twig that won't stop looking in the mirror?

A narcissistick.

What are the two words men hate most unless used together?

Don't Stop

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What do you call a sick russian?

A sicka blyat

How can you spot the rank of a Russian?

By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.

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How many Hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

it's this really obscure number. You've probably never even heard of it. No big deal.

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

What pokemon would you catch in Antarctica?

Freezing.

How to make a dog meow or your cat bark?

Freeze your dog and then take an angle grinder and use it on your dog and it Will say meeeeeow. Dunk your cat in gasoline and light it on fire and it Will say woof

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Why aren't there any "old husband tales"?

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

What brand of computer is best at singing?

A Dell

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What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?

It twerks!" I don't know how this came to me..

When is Independence Day 2 coming out?

9/11