Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What happens if Russians fall from an Afghan boat?

They sue Kabul Yacht.

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb

Student Loan Jokes More Student Loan Jokes

Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

Because his *degree* didn't work!

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

Train Jokes More Train Jokes

How do you get a Charmander and a Metapod on a train?

You poke 'em on.

What do you call a pokemon that's part train?

A Pikachoochoo.

Russian Word Jokes More Russian Word Jokes

What's the Russian word for Internet outage?

Internjet

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

Russia Jokes More Russia Jokes

Why can't Edward leave Russia?

He's Snowden.

Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?

You pull the trigger again.

What does a musician train do when running from the law?

Covers tracks

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person