Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing. It just waved.

Why do photons travels slower through water?

They having a float-on. it very good

Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

What kind of wine causes the most accidents?

Shartonnay

What kind of wine do bears drink?

Maulbec

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

How does a Russian bomb explode?

Kaboomshki

What's a Russian leader's favorite food?

Vladimir Poutine.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

How do metal guitarists handle their expensive instruments?

Very Djently.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What happend when the bike ran over a nail?

It popped a wheelie.

Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

Bottle Jokes More Bottle Jokes

What can I do you for?

Woman: a bottle of wine and cab fare

How do you react to the fragrance of a bottle of wine from the year 2000?

Smells like teen spirit.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

How can you tell that Caitlyn Jenner was once a man?

Because she's better at being a woman than most women are.

How do you know the high heel was invented by men?

Who else invents things?