Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?

A little bizar

Why do Russians love Pho so much?

Because they're so...viet.

Appear Jokes More Appear Jokes

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

Student Loan Jokes More Student Loan Jokes

Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

Because his *degree* didn't work!

What do you call it when someone gets hit by a bus on his way to pay off his student loans?

Crippling debt! It's funny because he can't walk anymore!

Shot Jokes More Shot Jokes

What did the poacher get when he saw the Northern White Rhino?

Shot.

What do you call the new policing strategy of communities such as Ferguson, Missouri?

A shot in the dark.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the changes necessary will come from within.

What did the hair stylist do when the Beach Boys came on?

The barber ran

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What are you thinking of?

He says: "Nothing." and disappears.

How did the dollar bill feel when his change started disappearing?

Coincerned

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What Do People Have In Common With Jellybeans?

Nobody likes the black ones.

What happened when Justin Bieber went to Michael Jackson's house?

Nothing, Michael liked boys.