Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

What kind of wine does Bruce Lee pair with a fish dinner?

None, he just has some WATAH!

What's the difference between a religion and a cult?

A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

Nature Jokes More Nature Jokes

What do nature and dogs have in common?

They both abhor a vacuum.

Who abhors a vacuum more than nature?

A cat.

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Why don't SJW's like guns?

They can't handle the trigger!

How would you say you handle job pressure?

Not a problem.jpg

Freeze Jokes More Freeze Jokes

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She puts in in the microwave.

Brand Jokes More Brand Jokes

Why aren't there any "old husband tales"?

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

What brand of computer is best at singing?

A Dell

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

Bottle Jokes More Bottle Jokes

Why was the bottle laying down?

someone flipped it.

What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous... A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.