Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?

You can see the definition.

What do you call fireworks that don't work?

Fireunemployed.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Where are the raisins today?

A student used to give his teacher some raisins everyday. He kept giving them for 3 months straight. Then one day he did not give raisins to his teacher. And his teacher asked him "Where are the raisins today?", and the boy said "My rabbit died."

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

What do you call a singer gently swaying from one side to another?

A rocking Cher.

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, we're stoned not stupid.

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.