Stone Jokes

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

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Why do drug dealers love muslim people?

Because they always get stoned

Why were the Ten Commandments so powerful?

Because they were set in stone.

Why shouldn't you give Muslim Women drugs?

They'll get stoned. (Ba-dum tss)

What happens when a rock gets high?

He gets stoned.. Badum tsss

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

What do you call a drunk muslim woman?

Stoned.

What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common?

If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned.

Why was Jesus crucified instead of stoned?

So Catholics could do this makes the sign of the cross, instead of this bangs self in head with fists.

What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ?

They both love stoning women.

What's the best music to listen to while stoned?

Rock.

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Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC?

because it's stoned.

Why did the Jamaican go to Syria?

To get stoned

What do women and stones have in common?

You skip the flat ones.

How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, we're stoned not stupid.

What did the stone say to the hill?

Let's Rock and Roll.

What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?

Im Stoned :p

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard?

The Stones say "hey you get off of my cloud!" The Shepard says "hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"

Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

What do you call someone who gets stoned and baked?

A witch.

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

What do Saudi guys and girls have in common?

They all get stoned constantly.

Why do people call their weed the Koran?

Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned

What do you call a stoned pig?

Baked Ham

What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?

A hybrid

What do you call mexicans who are stoned?

Baked beans.

What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned?

A hibearnation.

What did Medusa call the sheep she turned to stone?

Baaaaasalt

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?

A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

What's the difference between a Muslim woman and an American one?

An American woman gets stoned *before* she commits adultery.

What happened to the muslim who smoked weed?

They got stoned

Why do marble statues look so mean?

A: They have hearts of stone.

Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed?

The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?

You skip them both.

What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What do Lena Dunham &amp ISIS have in common ?

They both love stoning women.

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What do you call it when a bunch of stoned poets overthrow the government?

A Haiku.

How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?

It's a piece of cake.

What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.

Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads?

They all just get stoned instead.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

What does weed and the Quran have in common?

If you burn it you get stoned

What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why did Medusa order pizza?

Her boyfriend was stoned.

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

How much does a rock weigh?

One stone.

Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who?

420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned Okay, sorry I'll leave.

What would happen if The Styx and The Stones got a band together?

It wood rock.

What would the punishment be for smoking a joint in the times of Jesus Christ?

You would get stoned. And then get rocks thrown at you.

What did one mountain say to the other mountain?

Nothing. They were both stoned.

What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?

I wish his hands were made of stone."

What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca?

Alpaca 'nother bong

How is medusa like weed?

She makes people stoned.

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What did the geologist say to his girlfriend before shagging her?

I am going to make the bedrock.

Why did the geologist get divorced?

He took his wife for granite.

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What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

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What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

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Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill?

Because he was dead

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

Rolling Stone Jokes More Rolling Stone Jokes

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

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Where do burgers go when they die?

Burgatory

What do you call a burger made from 50% beef and 50% veal?

Half Calf

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What do you call a Scottsman with a sniper rifle?

Fiction.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"