Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

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What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard?

We're Snowden!

Why was it easier for the whistleblower to leave American soil earlier in the year?

It didn't Snowden.

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Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.

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What do you call a monster with a wooden head?

Edward.

Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport?

Because he was Snowden.