Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What did the apple say to the banana?

Nothing -- apples don't talk!

How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart?

When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Tiger Woods stop designing golf courses?

He couldn't keep it down to 18 holes.

How many babies does it take to stop a puck?

Ask Subban from the Hans to find out

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How can you tell if a girl is under 18?

Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.

How many wiseguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who's asking

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock. (This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.) Edit: tweaked the punchline.

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

Shirt Jokes More Shirt Jokes

Why don't Dunkin' Donuts employees wear name tags?

It wouldn't fit on their shirt.

Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts?

Because they all had a tare