How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

Cuz they're not for prophets.

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do hard-working grocery store clerks get every year?

A celery increase.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why can't witches have babies?

Because their husbands have hollow-weenies.

What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

You'll never be president, Jeb.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What looks like half an apple?

The other half

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

Emit Jokes More Emit Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food?

Frito Layser.

Lawn Mower Jokes More Lawn Mower Jokes

Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower?

Because they're the largest re-tail-er

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Half Time Jokes More Half Time Jokes

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show