How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?

an outlier downvote brigade can start now

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call a panda who's legs don't work?

Pandapalegic

What do you call a snake that works in the government?

A civil serpent

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?

Nothing, he already said it twice.

Why did the husband bring his wife's sick dog to the salon?

He was trying to get her pedicure.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?

Juan and a half

Emit Jokes More Emit Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician?

log log log log log log log log log...

Lawn Mower Jokes More Lawn Mower Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower?

Because they're the largest re-tail-er

Half Time Jokes More Half Time Jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.