What did Jesus said to his girlfriend in the morning?

Damn, you really nailed me last night.

This joke may have profanity.

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What gym equipment does Jesus use?

A cross trainer.

Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around?

He got *nailed*.

What do a Boston Marathon runner and Jesus have in common?

Nails in their hands and feet

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do drug dealers sit on?

KUSHions please tell me that joke is funny, my girlfriend is trying to tell me that it isn't funny. We all know it is.

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?

She puts her clothes back on and goes home.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why does Shakira have such a hard time sleeping at night?

Because her hips won't lie.

How do these presidential candidates sleep at night?

With an electorate blanket.