What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

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What do you call the statistics for the total amount of waste produced by the US this year?

Gross

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Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years Pete.

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What body part never seems to win?

The feet.

What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

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What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship?

Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright...

What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

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Why does my van have windows?

I want to make my victims feel like they have a chance.

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About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.

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What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar?

They thought it was called "The Leo Movie".

Dicaprio Jokes More Dicaprio Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke?

Because he didn't get it.