Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes

Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn?

Because he's .

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What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

What do you call a conservative Matthew McConaughey?

All right all right all right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?

All right, all right, all right..

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

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What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

How does Matthew McConaughey like his sandwiches?

On rye on rye on rye.

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship?

Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright...

What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up?

All white, all white, all white!

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Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why are ugly guys better with computers then women?

Turning off a computer often fixes the problem.

What's the definition of the perfect woman?

Four feet tall, fold back teeth, flat head so you can rest your beer on it, and turns into a pizza at midnight.

Matthew Jokes More Matthew Jokes

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What are a boyfriend's two most dreaded words?

Missed.

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

Racist Jokes More Racist Jokes

What do you call a black man that flies planes?

A pilot, you racist.

What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot you racist

Dinner Jokes More Dinner Jokes

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

What do you call a Mexican ready-meal?

Dinner for Juan

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

How do you stay hidden in the Desert?

Camal-Flage

What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage?

WATAAAH! 2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger? WHOPPAH! 3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight? HYAAAAATT!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

How can you tell when a girl is vegan?

She'll tell you

What is the difference between a girl and a washer?

The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.