Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes

Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn?

Because he's .

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What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

What do you call a conservative Matthew McConaughey?

All right all right all right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?

All right, all right, all right..

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

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What does Asian Matthew Mcconaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

How does Matthew McConaughey like his sandwiches?

On rye on rye on rye.

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship?

Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright...

What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up?

All white, all white, all white!

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Colour Jokes More Colour Jokes

What kind of ant can you colour with ?

A crayant !

How are you related to the sun?

Because your teeth are the same colour as it.

Chance Jokes More Chance Jokes

Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars?

If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read

Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess?

It's the only chance they have to mate.

Oscar Jokes More Oscar Jokes

What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

What's the similarity between a spanish prison and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Now, both have an oscar.

Favorite Bread Jokes More Favorite Bread Jokes

What is Homer Simpsons favorite bread?

Sour-Doh!

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What is a primate's ideal salary?

A gorillian dollars per year.

Why did Yewtree arrest the husband-to-be at the celebrity wedding of the year?

They wanted to make sure he'd never been a groom.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How did the date go?

Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.

Why'd the blonde snort a line of Splenda?

She thought it was diet coke

Rye Jokes More Rye Jokes

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What's a baker's biggest fear?

Something going a-rye while they're raisin' bread.

Racist Jokes More Racist Jokes

What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist!

What do you call a black guy who flies a plane?

A PILOT, YOU RACIST!