A predditor. EDIT:
Claude
Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.
Buddha.
A messed up system of karma
Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'
Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).
Because he didn't habanero.
Because they hav-an-arrow! :D