What's blue, standing in the kitchen?

STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!

Previous Random Joke Next

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you want to have next?

Me: a vasectomy

What do you call a blind, mentally handicapped, quadriplegic?

You can call him whatever you want it's not like he's going to get up and do anything about it.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why is she so loud?

Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.

What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What's the difference between a religious revival and a bikers rally?

At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape?

Let it Gogh!

How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

Kitchen Jokes More Kitchen Jokes

What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler

What do you do when your wife is blocking view of the TV?

Go to the kitchen and shorten her chain.