When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

instead of all this "how did you get in to my house " calling 9-11 business.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

What do Philadelphia Eagles fans do after they win the superbowl?

Turn of madden and go to bed. (I'm an eagles fan)

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

What did the cow is standing all alone in a field say?

Where are the udders? (Thanks to my three boys for that one!)

House Jokes More House Jokes

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage"

Why should you only invite gas molecules to your house when they have negligible intermolecular forces between them?

Because they're the ideal gas.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a gun?

Guns don't move out when you bring a new one home.

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

9 Jokes More 9 Jokes

What's the difference between one polar bear and 10 polar bears?

9 polar bears (joke on a mug at work. lame, ik)

How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.

Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

Why does your sister have yeast and shoe polish for breakfast ?

Because she wants to rise and shine.

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast