Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

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What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "jesus christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

What did Jesus say after he healed the blind man?

Made you look!

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Why couldn't the blind black man play hockey?

Because he was black.

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes?

Prankenstein!

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Who, Jesus?

No, dummy. Superman.

What other miracles can you do?

Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish ' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite

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Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

Goal Jokes More Goal Jokes

What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?

A keeper

Which insect didn't play well in goal ?

The fumble bee !

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal