Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

Why did the black man walk backwards?

I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

So he always hits the green when he's driving.

What do you get when you leave a dog inside a car when it's 100 degrees outside?

A hot dog.

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time *door closes on way out*

Why are your eyes red?

Are you high! flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over me: Yes

Piece Jokes More Piece Jokes

What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends?

Cannelonely!

What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?

Japanese

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

What should we call this portable computer?

SOME GUY: Laptop everyone applauds...w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What did the cop say to Boris Yosanavich after pulling him over for speeding?

Quit Russian.

Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time?

MC Escher