Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp?

Names

People Jokes More People Jokes

What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Picture Jokes More Picture Jokes

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What is a small loan of money?

a small loan of a million dollars"

How did rich people get their money?

They were calm and collected.

Remind Jokes More Remind Jokes

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.

What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common?

They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing.

Wallet Jokes More Wallet Jokes

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets?

For identification.