Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan?

Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them.

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Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

What the hell do you want?

Him: Um, YOU called ME.

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Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?

So that you can tell them apart from feminists

How can you tell if someone with parkinsons has hypothermia?

You can't. That's what makes it so funny.

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Why does internet explorer ask so many questions?

Because it's insecure. It has trust issues.

Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?

A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know " whenever you ask them a question.

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What's a fresh vegetable?

One that insults a farmer.

What happens when you insult Terrance on the Oregon Trail?

You died of dysentery. Sorry.

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What's the longest word in the English language?

A native Texan saying, "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt."

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.