Python Jokes

Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet?

Because his pythons were sick

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Why did the python return his pants?

They were too constricting.

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What do most people do when they see a python ?

They re-coil !

What is another word for a python ?

A mega-bite !

Why did the python do national service ?

He was coiled up !

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why were the suspenders arrested?

A: For holding up a pair of pants.

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

Employ Jokes More Employ Jokes

Which is your favorite Monty Python Joke?

Of course, there's , but here goes mine: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

Why do you want to leave your current job?

My boss is a total idiot "It says here you're self-employed " Yes that's right

Coil Jokes More Coil Jokes

What do most people do when they see a python ?

They re-coil !

Why did the python do national service ?

He was coiled up !

Pygmy Jokes More Pygmy Jokes

Whats the difference between a Pygmy and an Amazon?

Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt...

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls cross country team?

One is a group of cunning runts.

Monty Python Jokes More Monty Python Jokes

What do you call Rowan Atkinson watching Monty Python?

A jellybean.

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

Select Jokes More Select Jokes

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.

Pie Jokes More Pie Jokes

What do you get when you drop a few ears of corn into a pie?

You get a cobbler!

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.