Python Jokes

Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet?

Because his pythons were sick

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Why did the python return his pants?

They were too constricting.

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

What do most people do when they see a python ?

They re-coil !

What is another word for a python ?

A mega-bite !

Why did the python do national service ?

He was coiled up !

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Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

What dies a little, when explained about?

A joke.

What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ?

Your spinning me a yarn here !

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ?

My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Cannibal Jokes More Cannibal Jokes

What did the cannibals do with the midget?

Put another shrimp on the barbie.

Why do cannibals never go hungry?

Because they can make themselves dinner.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies?

Me: That's an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4

How do pirates know that they exist?

They think, therefore they arrrr

Rowan Atkinson Jokes More Rowan Atkinson Jokes

What do you call a pop star that marries Rowan Atkinson?

Avril Labean

What do you call Rowan Atkinson watching Monty Python?

A jellybean.

Squeeze Jokes More Squeeze Jokes

What's the difference between a pretty girl and an apple?

One you squeeze to get cider, the other you get 'side her to squeeze.

What did the web designer do when a hot girl walked up to him and squeezed his nuts?

He AJAXulated.

Return Jokes More Return Jokes

What do you call someone who begs for a free copy of "Return Of The King"?

A free-LOTR

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

Linux Jokes More Linux Jokes

What did the Windows user say to his Linux terminal?

DIR

What OS does an atheist run on their computer?

Fedora. For Linux n00bs(https://getfedora.org/)