Earth Jokes

What music do they play in a mexican bathroom?

Earth wind and fire

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Who is going to win tonight's presidential election?

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Why do telescopes like the Moon so much?

Because they find him very down to earth.

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!"

What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Arab riding a bicycle down Collins Avenue in Miami Beach.

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

Who are the biggest nay-sayers on Earth?

Horses

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Why is pulling out 100% effective for superman?

They never survive the 1000ft fall to earth.

This joke may have profanity.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

What goes faster from 100 to 0, an asteroid hitting the Earth or this thread's upvote %?

Berni Sanders seems to have been like a bad gift: it's the thought that counts. 80% voted against him in SC, he will be destroyed tomorrow, and estimates show he won't even get half of the delegates Hillary will. Furthermore, even if he were to magically win, the House, Senate and Supreme Court would block his most drastic ideas, making it them simply "food for thought" but not actual thoughts for implementation. Thank you very much.

What is Jesus' favorite video game on earth?

I am bread.

Why do women love Satan?

He's down to Earth.

What did the conceited man say while he stood on the north pole?

The earth revolves around me.

Why are League of Legends players the most skeptical people on Earth?

Because they take everything with a grain of salt.

How long does it take light to travel from the sun to the earth?

Not nearly as long as it would take to travel around your mom.

What do you call someone in the army that knows the capital of every country on earth?

General Knowledge

What is the only thing on earth that goes "ha ha" on a Monday?

A bit late, but.... A blonde who heard a joke on Friday.

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

What do you get when you cross an oven with a car?

A hot rod. NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.

What do you call it when alpacas with speech impediments take over Earth?

The Alpacalisp.

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been??!!" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How do we know God is not a woman?

Because the Earth is not a sandwich!

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

Which is your favorite Monty Python Joke?

Of course, there's , but here goes mine: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

What did the Earth say to the Earthquake?

Sorry...that was my fault.

What does the last man on earth watch on tv?

Reruns

Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask?

You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.

What are we gonna do with all this extra cocaine?

The previous sentence has never been spoken in the history of earth

What did Earth say to the Sun?

My life revolves around you!

What did earth say to the other planet?

You guys have no life!"

What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.

What did earth say to the other planets?

You guys have no life!

What did the aliens say, when they came to earth in search of soda pop?

Take me to your liter!

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

What's the fastest land animal on earth?

An Ethiopian chicken

Why did the Moon break up with Earth?

The Moon said they were slowly drifting apart.

What does earth say to the other planets?

You have no life

Who's gonna be Batman?

leaves Earth*

What starts with "M" ends with "arriage" and recently made me the happiest man on earth?

Miscarriage

Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

Because nobody liked it on earth.

What could possibly make moviegoers forget about Will Smith's movie After Earth?

A Concussion.

Why is the moon tastier than Earth?

It's meteor.

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

They're Meteor!

What's the fastest car on earth?

A rental car.

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.

Whats the word im looking for?

You're part of a three-man space crew orbiting Earth. You can ONLY relay one, one word message in 2 seconds. Whats the word

What on Earth happened?

The doctor said, surprised. "I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse." the frog said.

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

Why do we need art?

Because the Earth without art is just "Eh".

What are the two oldest animals on Earth?

The Zebra and the Panda. Because we see them in black and white.

What on Earth did the NASA discover?

Nothing, it was on Mars

Who are the fastest readers on earth?

9/11 victims.... They can clear 10 stories in 5 seconds.

What did the worm say to the other when he was late home ?

Where in earth have you been !

Where is the most environmental friendly place on Earth?

r/Jokes, recycling rate is 98% here!

What would happen if the Earth was a Cube?

We'd all be cubans. I'm sorry

Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race?

Because it is using steroids.

Why can you always trust a bee without wings?

Because it's down to earth.

Why are hipsters the oldest known form of life?

They were on the Earth before it was cool.

What's the most 'Spoken' language on Earth?

Hint: It's not English Spanish.

Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?

A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

Why does the Earth love geologists?

They really get it's rocks off

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN Saddest joke ever.

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?

Because it's a little meteor.

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Asteroid Jokes More Asteroid Jokes

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!"

What's the difference between us and the dinosaurs?

We don't need an asteroid...

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who wins between a black guy and a fencing champion?

Black guy, because nword is mightier than sword.

What's better than winning the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people?

1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired

What do you call a drug factory that catches fire?

A pot roast

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What do you call a missing psychic midget?

A small medium at large.

Who's there ! Cynthia ! Cynthia who ?

Cynthia you been away I missed you !

Telescope Jokes More Telescope Jokes

Why do telescopes like the Moon so much?

Because they find him very down to earth.

What did the astronomer say to the telescope in lingerie?

Hubble, Hubble."

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

How did a blind man meet his wife?

A: On a blind date!

Apple Jokes More Apple Jokes

How do you get a job with Apple?

Be born in China.

Why did Snow White buy an android phone?

She thought the apple was poisoned.