Cod Jokes

What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

There is no cod

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Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner?

Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin.

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the sick fish say when he got sick?

I've cod a cold."

Why is CoD like women?

Search and Destroy.

What did the fisherman say to the card magician?

A: Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbour was a fish?

Cod dam

Knock Knock. Who's there? Cod! Cod who?

Cod red-handed !

What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

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What did the fisherman say to the street magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What am I herring?

This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me You're so shellfish Fin

What do you call it when a soldier gets laid?

Tactical Insertion.* What do you call it when a COD player gets laid *Lies.*

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh ?

ten-tickcles.

Who has eight pistols and terrorizes the seas?

A: Billy the Squid.

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What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

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What has four legs and several fins?

A: A happy bear!

What am I herring?

This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me You're so shellfish Fin

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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ?

Pack your trunk and clear out !"

How much do pirates pay for piercings?

A buccaneer!

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What is a knight's favourite fish?

A swordfish!

Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner?

Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin.

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Why do electricians make good mediators?

Because they're good at finding common ground.

What did they find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise?

The Captain's Log.

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How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called?

Running a Backgroud Check.

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What do you call a soldier with long arms?

An army soldier

What's the scariest 3 letter acronym for a soldier in Afghanistan with a 15 year old daughter at home?

IUD