What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

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What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party?

He got the cold shoulder.

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What did the sphinx say?

What did the sphinx say when he found out the pharaoh caught him up in a pyramid scheme Egypt me!

What did the Time Traveller find when he brought a joint to Ancient Greece?

The Philosophers Stoned

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What do you call it when alpacas with speech impediments take over Earth?

The Alpacalisp.

Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

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What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?

A fruit by the foot

Why is Apple donating money to cancer research?

Cancer stole our jobs!"

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What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?

You're fine how am I "

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What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.