Apple Jokes

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed?

It doesn't have windows.

Why is Apple donating money to cancer research?

Cancer stole our jobs!"

What is Apple users favorite movie?

No Escape

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them

Why did Steve Jobs die too soon?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Why does ACDC prefer Android to Apple?

She's Got The Jack

What is Apple's favorite song?

Hit the Road Jack"

Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?

Because there are no windows!

How many Android users does it take to buy an iPhone?

Zero. Apple doesn't accept EBT.

What did Samsung say to Apple?

You don't no jack!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?

No chance of blocking an uppercut.

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

What hits the ground first?

The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose.

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has "apple" in it?

A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth.

What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events?

ICandy

Why Romeo could not meet Juliet at an Apple Store?

Poor Juliet! Did not know Apple stores don't have Windows!

Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?

For the watch .

What do you call Apple's next beauty product?

The iLiner.

Why do feminists hate Apple?

Because they're not PC.

Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?

Because they're not PC

Why did Eric Clapton make the switch from PC to Apple?

Well because he had a horrible experience with windows. (credit to Neil Hamburger for this amazing joke)

What falls first an apple or a black man?

An apple because the balackman hangs.

What's the difference between a pretty girl and an apple?

One you squeeze to get cider, the other you get 'side her to squeeze.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

What do you get when you cross menstruation and apples?

The MaxiPad

What kind of phone does The Flash use?

Not an iPhone because Apple doesn't support flash

What do reddit fans and Apple fans have in common?

They both like seeing the same thing a year later.

What did the apple tell the annoying orange?

Citrus down.

What do Porsche and Apple have in common?

New product, same design.

How many Apple executives does it take to change a light bulb?

They dont. They turn it into the hype of the new generation.

Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Why are all updates to Apple stuff piratical?

Because they all involve iPatches.

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

scream) APPLE!!!

Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit?

Because it keeps the Doctor away!

How are lawyers and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from a tree

Why are Apple products popular with hipsters?

Steve Jobs went underground.

Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

Answer: To a Bananas foster home.

What do Oranges and Apples have in common?

They're both orange except for the Apple.

What did the banana say to the apple?

Nothing. Fruits can't talk. Idiot.

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

What's the difference between an apple?

A bike because a vest has no sleeves.

What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called?

I, Mac.

How do you make apple jelly?

google maps.

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.

How can you tell if someone uses Apple products?

Just wait and they'll tell you.

What do Apple and the US economy have in common now?

No Jobs

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?

A: They both don't drive tractors.

What got the apple into skydiving?

Pear pressure.

What do a racist and an apple have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree

How do you know if someone's an expert archer?

Put an apple on your head &amp stand still he'll Tell you.

What kind of apple has a short temper?

A crab apple.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

Why doesn't Ebola harm fruit?

Because if it affected an Apple it'd be called I-Bola.

How are black people and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from trees

Why can't you have two Apple watches?

Because then it would be a pair (pear)!

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?

Your heart goes "pomme pomme ... pomme pomme ..."

Why wont Apple ever make a car?

Because it can't have windows in it!!!!

How do you say genius sarcastically?

Apple genius.

What's loud and sounds like "apples"?

APPLES!!!*

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?

Worm your way out of that one then!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?

A crab apple !

Why did the apple cry?

A: Its peelings were hurt.

What's the difference between an apple and a hormone?

You can't hear an apple

How long have I got?

Not long. Two, three months" casually places apple on desk "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

What do Apple and Rose have in common?

They both lost jack.

What did the snake day to Adam after he bit the apple?

You owe Eve an O.

What do you do when your Apple device gets warm?

Ask apple to open the backdoor.

What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?

Have you ever tried worm pie !

What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple ?

Worm your way out of that one !

Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?

Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.

How do you milk sheeps?

With Apple accessories.

What is Apple's CEO's favourite TV show?

Lost

What do blacks and apples have in common?

If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree. Da ho, no I didnt.

Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?

because he didn't know Mandarin

Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ?

Because everyone had to go on in pairs !

What do black people and apples have in common?

They both look better hanging.

What did the apple say to the apple pie?

You've got some crust."

What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Biting into an apple and finding half a worm!

What is loud and sounds like an apple?

AN APPLE!**

What do you call a business that doesn't sell Apple's sea monster?

A bus

What would Apple laptops be called if Steve Jobs had been Irish?

McBook Eyre

Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store?

For the watch!

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?

Take a snorkel.

What is the difference between an apple and an orange?

None, the two are not a snake

Who's there ! Crispin ! Crispin who ?

Crispin crunchy is how I like my apples !

What kind of apple isn't an apple?

A pineapple.

What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pear. P.s. got this joke in a cracker. If anybody gets it can you please explain it. My family is stumped.

Why did Snow White buy an android phone?

She thought the apple was poisoned.

How do you get a job with Apple?

Be born in China.

Why do white girls like Apple?

Because once go Mac you never go back.

What do you call a fake Apple product?

An i-phony

What did the apple say to the banana?

Nothing -- apples don't talk!

What color are apples?

BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?

Because the lime was engaged.

What do Apple and Blackberry have in common?

Neither one has Jobs.

You might also enjoy:

Crust Jokes More Crust Jokes

What's the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

They both work with crust.

When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?

Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.

Door Jokes More Door Jokes

What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors?

Unhinged

Who's there ! Bettina ! Bettina who ?

Bettina minute you'll open this door !

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

What did the cop do when his Sergeant did not grant him the vacation he requested?

Shot a black man.

What do you call a white man surrounded by black men?

Coach

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

scream) APPLE!!!

What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

Apple Store Jokes More Apple Store Jokes

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store...

Does that make you an iWitness?

Why is the Apple Store always so hot?

They don't have Windows installed. )

Outside Jokes More Outside Jokes

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Ferrari?

The pricks are on the outside of a hedgehog.

What's the difference between a pineapple and the White House?

A pineapples pricks are on the outside.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

How do you know that you are a redditor?

I'll tell you tomorrow.