What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens if you plug your electric blanket into the toaster?

You pop up all night.

What happens if an Asian gets stung by a bee?

Their GPA drops

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb?

As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb.

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

How are the homeless like votes?

Republicans have them thrown out.

What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?

Kurt and Rod

What do you suppose broke this window Mr. Holmes?

It's a limb entry, my dear Watson!

Roll Jokes More Roll Jokes

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

Shoot him again.

What do you call a laptop in the ocean?

A Dell, rolling in the deep.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you call it when an eclipse occurs?

When God forgets to pay the electricity bill.

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

Whats your favourite brand of beer?

When i was younger, i used to drink any brand of beer, but now i am older Budweiser

Why do they never serve a beer at math party?

Because you can't drink and derive

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

Swear Jokes More Swear Jokes

Why were all the rednecks sitting around an ordinary potato waiting for it to talk?

It was a CommonTater I just made this up I swear

What breakfast food does Dr. Oz swear by?

A: QUACKer Oaths.