Isaac Newton Jokes

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

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What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Why is there no Asian Isaac Newton?

He sat under the durian tree.

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Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

What do you do meet an old friend?

What do you do when someone throws a ball What do you put on a hamburger What do you find in a litter box

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand?

Sandiego (The first joke I ever made as a kid)

Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?

A: Because deep down they are really nice.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

What happens when a Pokemon goes through puberty?

It's bells sprout.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What's blue and orange &amp sits at the bottom of a swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire?

A Snowman.

Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

Why did Jesus drink wine at the last supper?

Because in 3 days, he would be a raisin

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why do we need to die?

chickens

Why did the Russians send a dog to space to die?

Because they didn't Lajka.

Apple Jokes More Apple Jokes

Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store?

For the watch!

What color are apples?

BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors