How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?

A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.

End Jokes More End Jokes

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to get it 95% done, and the second to give it the twist at the end.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool?

Deep ends really.

Hot Dog Jokes More Hot Dog Jokes

What did the hot dog say on the toilet?

Mustuuurd

Why'd the dog sit in the shade?

He didn't want to be a hot dog!

Steak Jokes More Steak Jokes

Why don't cows smoke weed?

The steaks would just be too high.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Monster Jokes More Monster Jokes

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?

Run through the back door.

What do you call a monster with two wooden heads?

Edward Woodward.

Gasp Jokes More Gasp Jokes

How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for air, and calling your name?

You didn't hold down the pillow for long enough.