67+ Funny Monster Jokes - Curious United

What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home?

Shucks

What do you get when you combine a watch with a dog?

An eternally suffering abomination...YOU MONSTER!

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball?

You look quite put-together this evening.

What monsters are all the tools in the toolbox afraid of?

Vampliers

Why would a monster be big, green and scaly?

Cuz if he were small, white and smooth hed be a Tic Tac.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman.

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ?

Terrier-fied !

How did the monster cure his sore throat?

He spent all day gargoyling.

What has 40 teeth and holds a monster at bay?

My zipper.

What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'?

A monster in a traffic jam.

Why did the monster go into hospital?

To have his ghoul-stones removed.

What can a monster do that you can't do?

Count up to 25 on his fingers.

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?

Run through the back door.

What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?

He left lip prints on the mirror!

What's the difference between a monster and a mouse?

A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

How does a monster begin a fairy tale?

Once upon a slime . . ."

How do you address a monster?

Very politely.

What does a monster do when he loses his head?

He calls a head hunter.

What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare?

A monster coming out of the closet

Why did the monster take his nose apart?

To see what made it run.

How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?

On a piece rate.

What do monsters play when they are in the bus?

Squash.

Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party?

He heard they were having upside-down cake!

What did the manager of the frankenstein museum say?

I'VE CURATED A MONSTER!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert?

Bumpkin pie!

What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?

Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?

Because he had been told to ice it.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?

I feel abominable.'

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?

Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's

What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?

He was convicted of fragrancy.

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze?

So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.

What do you get if you cross a hairdresser with a werewolf?

A monster with an all-over perm.

What kind of money do monsters use?

Weirdo (weird dough).

Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors?

Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.

How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes?

Prankenstein!

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?

Smack a monster.

Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?

To see if blondes have more fun.

What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea?

Lots of very worried dogs.

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?

Because he was a car-case.

What do you call a monster with a wooden head?

Edward.

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?

He was exceeding the feed limit!

What has 32 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

What's big heavy furry dangerous and has sixteen wheels?

A monster on roller-skates.

Why did the monster stop playing with his brother?

He got tired of kicking him around.

What do you call a monster with two wooden heads?

Edward Woodward.

What side of a monster has more hair ?

The outside !

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?

Sir.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?

A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

What makes an ideal present for a monster?

Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster spit?

It's saliva! IT'S SALIIIVA!!!"

How do you know that there's a monster in your bath?

You can't get the shower curtain closed.

Why was the monster standing on his head?

He was turning things over in his mind.

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?

Take his spade away.

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

How do you stop a monster from smelling?

Cut off his nose.

What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster?

You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?

Benjamin Frankenstein

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?

A bigger target.

Why did the monster lie on his back?

To trip up low-flying aircraft.

How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?

Try picking it up. If you can't it's either a monster or a giant banana.

What would you get if you crossed a monster with the god of love?

A stupid Cupid!

What type of monster really loves dance music?

A: The boogieman.

What aftershave do monsters wear?

Brute.

How are monster trucks made?

ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: glares ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane

What game do monsters play with humans?

Squash.