How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started?

Looking for Jobs.

How do people look at the internet?

Me: How Him: With their google-y eyes

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What's the most terrifying gift your SO/Family can buy for you?

Reddit gold.

Where do dead people buy their cigarettes?

At the coroner store.

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"

How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants?

He used an eyepatch

Mirror Jokes More Mirror Jokes

What type of cheese can you see in a mirror?

Halloumi! (Hello me)

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

Why did the vampire go to hospital?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask )

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.