How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

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Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Which family in Game Of Thrones fell down the stairs?

The Bannisters

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

Why didn't the Buddhist monk vacuum under his couch?

He had no attachments.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey."

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four

Gravy Jokes More Gravy Jokes

What are you wearing?

ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy