How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

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Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) ...not Sarah.

What's the difference between autumn and fall?

The twin towers didn't autumn

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

Cocaine Jokes More Cocaine Jokes

What do you call someone who sneezes doing cocaine?

A snowblower

Why did the boxer sprinkle cocaine on his exercise rope?

He wanted to practice the rope-a-dope.

Gravy Jokes More Gravy Jokes

What is a mortician's favorite side dish?

Gravy

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy