Thanksgiving Jokes

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

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Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey"

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

How do you say Thanksgiving in Native American?

Last Supper

Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

The Turkey.

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Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Where's your maternity section?

Her: Over there. How far along is she Me: Her I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her...

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey."

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert?

Bumpkin pie!

What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years?

Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

Just be *honest* with it man...

What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?

He gave tanks.

Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving?

The Redskins

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?

He was exceeding the feed limit!

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?

1)/8"

What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

Pecan, typically.

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What do you call a kid who's dad is Jamaican and mom is Chinese?

Rastafriedrice

What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?

Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

Where do animals go when they lose their tails?

The retail store!

Japanese People Jokes More Japanese People Jokes

Why do Japanese people squint?

Nuclear explosions are bright

How do Japanese people ask for rice?

Samurais?

Incredible Hulk Jokes More Incredible Hulk Jokes

What's the Incredible Hulk's favorite food?

Smashed potatoes.

What has 108 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk?

My Zipper.

Gravy Jokes More Gravy Jokes

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What are you wearing?

ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

What did the boy say when his dog died?

What did the boy say when his dog died? I'm gonna miss you buddy, you were my best friend.

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday?

With a low-key event

How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?

var celebration = "Hip", "Hip";

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

How did Godzilla escape the trains?

He threw them off their tracks.