Thanksgiving Jokes

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

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Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey"

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

How do you say Thanksgiving in Native American?

Last Supper

Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

The Turkey.

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Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Where's your maternity section?

Her: Over there. How far along is she Me: Her I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her...

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey."

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert?

Bumpkin pie!

What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years?

Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

Just be *honest* with it man...

What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?

He gave tanks.

Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving?

The Redskins

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?

He was exceeding the feed limit!

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?

1)/8"

What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

Pecan, typically.

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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How much for the best friend?

Manager : Sir, we've been through this, our cashiers aren't for sale.

Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

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What do physics majors do when they hit the club?

They torque it..

What did the police car say to the muscle car?

Torque

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What does a Russian burglar wear?

In a Russian accent ) robber boots

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

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What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

What's the Incredible Hulk's favorite food?

Smashed potatoes.

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Why haven't we found aliens yet ?

because they are searching for intelligent life too.

How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

Vin Diesel Jokes More Vin Diesel Jokes

Why they never refuel in Fast and Furious?

Vin Diesel

What does black Vin Diesel smell like?

What does black vin diesel smell like Vinegar.

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What are you going to do with your time, now that you're retired?

I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday?

By putting flowers on the grave.

How does an Alzheimer's patient celebrate New Years?

Kissing strangers.