Thanksgiving Jokes

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

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Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?

God save the kin Happy Thanksgiving!

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

What will you have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey"

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

How do you say Thanksgiving in Native American?

Last Supper

Who's the only one who doesn't say thanks on Thanksgiving?

The Turkey.

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Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Where's your maternity section?

Her: Over there. How far along is she Me: Her I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her...

Why doesn't anyone get laid on Thanksgiving?

All the coats are on the bed!

What did the green onion say to the Thanksgiving dinner?

I ain't no chive, Turkey."

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert?

Bumpkin pie!

What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years?

Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

What's the best way to prepare a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

Just be *honest* with it man...

What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?

He gave tanks.

Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving?

The Redskins

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?

He was exceeding the feed limit!

What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving?

1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?

1)/8"

What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?

Pecan, typically.

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.

What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?

Putin: "Turkey"

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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What is a mortician's favorite side dish?

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What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy

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What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime?

Econoclasts.

How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

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What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at?

Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh

Who is there?

A person that likes to tell anti jokes.

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Why do they say "character actress"?

Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture

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Your awareness differentiates to the expansion of experiences and freedom impacts the expression of the phenomena in reality to quantum belonging.

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Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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What does black Vin Diesel smell like?

What does black vin diesel smell like Vinegar.

What are you hiding in there?

nuthin Vin Diesel noises from closet M: Is Vin Diesel in there -...yes Vin Diesel: from closet No.

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What did the photographer say when he retired?

I can't take it anymore!"

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

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What did the parrot say on Independence Day?

Polly wants a firecracker!

What'd the Mexican say when he was upset?

I don't want to taco bout it.