When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..
What did the boy say when his dog died? I'm gonna miss you buddy, you were my best friend.
A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"
Stand back! I don't know how big it's going to get!
I know this is an unorthodox post, but, I would love to hear your favorites!
A ManDeLorean.
Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.
Because he was Legolas.
Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
Because ze Germans like to march in ze shade.
Camembert!
It hit the chicken. Bazing!
