How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

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Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

Why do grocery stores double-bag everything?

Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong

What do you call a bag that never approaches anything?

an asymp-tote*

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What key opens a banana?

A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

Why do the Lanisters have such big beds?

Because they push 2 twins together to make a king.

Why did Suzie fall down the stairs?

I pushed her

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz (This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

What do you call an interracial dwarf actor?

A half cast

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to repost the joke twice before she realizes that it isn't funny anymore

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

Chip Jokes More Chip Jokes

What did pancake Chip say to his friend pancake Berry when Berry was sad?

Don't feel blue, Berry, things will get batter"

How did the lawyer chip his tooth?

The ambulance slammed on its brakes.