How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What happened to the heretical chef?

He was burnt at the steak.

Why did the hipster burn their tongue?

They ate their dinner before it was cool.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.

What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?

A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How old is your girlfriend?

She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!" "Yeah, actually it's yours"

How do you know your girlfriend is too young?

She only puckers up for her pacifier.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the Buddhist say when asked if he'd like to move from Tibet to North Korea?

Nah. I'ma stay.

Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live?

All she does is stay on the dashboard.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

What did the cow say when she jumped off a cliff?

Geronimoo!"

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

WANNA RIDE BIKES?

How do you sell chicken to a deaf man?

A: HEY, YOU WANNA BUY SOME CHICKEN !!!!!!!

Calorie Jokes More Calorie Jokes

Why are Mistborns always so thin?

Because they're always Burning calories!

How do fireflies lose weight?

They burn calories.

Conclusion Jokes More Conclusion Jokes

What is said at the conclusion of a lesbian marriage ceremony?

You may fist the bride

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.