What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why weren't the eggplants allowed into the mushroom party?

Because there wasn't much room and they aren't fun guys.

Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

Twitter only allows 160 characters

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How do you feel now?

Me: With my elbows

What's your favorite word?

5-Year-Old: Empathy! I don't even know what it means! Me- I know how you feel.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How many good deeds do you need to be called a superhero?

Because If it's one or less, I'm totally there.

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

Seriously, I gotta figure out how many slaves I need to buy

Consume Jokes More Consume Jokes

How many fish did it take to consume my wife?

None. There are no fish under my new gazebo

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Xanax Jokes More Xanax Jokes

Why didn't the Mexican take Xanax?

He was barred.

Why does a Mexican take Xanax?

For his Borderline Personality Disorder.

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"

Pop,goes the weasel.

What did the bartender say to the horse?

bartender: Why the long face Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family.