Consume Jokes

How many fish did it take to consume my wife?

None. There are no fish under my new gazebo

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What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?

He found time-consuming.

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

What did the cannibal say after he ate a woman in the Coliseum?

He's gladiator.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ?

Take them out their wheelchair.

Armenian Jokes More Armenian Jokes

How do you stop an Armenian tank?

You shoot the guys pushing it.

What's the difference between a turkey sandwich and a ham sandwich?

A turkey sandwich doesn't recognize the Armenian genocide

People Jokes More People Jokes

How did people know Patrick Stewart was crying?

Because he bawled.

What's black and smells like people?

Black People

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why was the man hanging out in the market all day?

I don't know, but it was pretty bazaar

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Big Ben Jokes More Big Ben Jokes

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?

He found time-consuming.

What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common?

Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

Why are giraffes slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride

Why did the nun swallow a needle?

So she could know what it's like to have a prick inside her.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did Drake Bell say to Batman?

Sorry, still calling you Bruce! I found this on Facebook somewhere; I dunno who to get credit to.

How do we know that Jesus wasn't born in Mexico?

Because he'd never have been able to find 3 wise men and a virgin.