Consume Jokes

How many fish did it take to consume my wife?

None. There are no fish under my new gazebo

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What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?

He found time-consuming.

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Big Ben Jokes More Big Ben Jokes

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?

He found time-consuming.

What do Big Ben and the House of Commons have in common?

Both have a huge bellend swinging his weight around inside

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

Why did the very religious man not say a word while he was fasting?

He was afraid that he would swallow his words.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?

A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.

Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

Why are there so many fish in the sea?

They're always getting hooked up

What did one sea say to the other sea?

Nothing, they just waved.

Xanax Jokes More Xanax Jokes

Why does the American Border Patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop Hispanic attacks.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

Which duck will destroy the establishment?

None, ducks are not allowed in politics.

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25

Why was the note denied alcohol?

Because it was A Minor.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

A dead one...

What do fish do when they are angry with each other?

They coral

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?

Welp, seal ate her.

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)