Record Jokes

Why didnt Spock make a record of their voyage?

Because it was deep space . (the joke is how the outer space was very deep)

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What kind of animal can record video?

A cam-el. Get it, because a camera records things and a camel is a animal.

Where does Phil Collins record all of his music?

The stu-stu-studio.

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

What do you call a Korean with a dog?

vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha.

Who is the only man to record more knock outs than Mike Tyson?

Bill Cosby

How do birds record their songs ?

On duck tape !

What was the humor like back then?

I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?

Why do Christian bands only record with Pro Tools?

Because they don't understand how to use Logic or Reason.

Who's Gotye?

while their kids were like, "What's a record

Who are you?

You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record

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What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

What's all this?

Bracken: Well you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson Tammy Wynette and Garth Brooks . . .

What is the oldest joke we have on record?

X-post) http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2krnv8/whatistheoldestjokewehaveonrecord/

Why do brown women wear red dots on their heads?

Because they record everything. (I swear I made it up n I'm brown too)

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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What does the Doctor use to keep things running smoothly in the T.A.R.D.I.S?

WD-4D

What is the one thing you shouldn't do at a funeral?

The corpse.

Video Jokes More Video Jokes

What's the difference between Mike Tyson and the iPhone 4s?

There are no videos of Mike Tyson.

What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky.

Why does everyone love Plato?

Because he loved Dogs and he had two sons named Plato and Socrates

Vegetarian Jokes More Vegetarian Jokes

What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper?

I find your lack of steak disturbing."

What do you call an Chinese family with a pet dog?

Vegetarians. Source: I'm Chinese.

Development Jokes More Development Jokes

What's delaying the Polish space program?

A: Development of a working match.

What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?

Polaroid Integral Film and Babies

Germany Jokes More Germany Jokes

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany?

ThomasDieKleineLokomotive

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book?

He removed the appendix!

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

Bill Cosby Jokes More Bill Cosby Jokes

Who is the only person able to knock out Ronda Rousey?

Bill Cosby

What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.