Germany Jokes

Who pays?

Germany.

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What's the difference between Phil Collins and Germany?

We stopped Germany.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany?

Danke

Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

Whats a Muslims favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

What was the most popular TV show in Ancient Rome and Germany in early AD?

Whose Rhine Is It Anyway?

How much does it cost to clean up Germany?

About 6 million.

Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off?

There were too many fowls.

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Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What is the national vegetable of Germany?

What is the national vegetable of Germany?

How do you call it, when the internet is not working in Germany?

InterNEIN"

Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics?

They have the worst track record for finishing a race.

Why is Germany uninhabitable for cats?

They have nein lives!

What do you call Minecraft in Germany?

NEIN-CRAFT!

Why did Germany win so many battles in WW I?

They had baron.

Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

Why are there no cats in Germany?

Because they have nein lives.

How many goals did Germany score?

A brazillian

Why is it hard to sell bibles in Germany?

Because it's a Nietzsche Market.

How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What country is ill?

A: Germany.

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What is most popular hearthstone deck in Germany?

Patron Warrior because Everyone Get in Here

What do you call a boyscout in WWII-era Germany?

A knotzi.

How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if "Thomas the Tank Engine" was set in early-1940s Germany?

ThomasDieKleineLokomotive

Which country has the nicest children?

Germany. German children are kinder.

Why does Poland stay from Germany?

a couple decades ago they had a three way with Russia that ended poorly

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany?

They fear the wurst!

What did Germany say to Britain during World War II?

I'd luft to waffe a few bombs in your direction.

What do you call riot police in Germany?

Kraut Control

What do you call a hot girl in Germany ?

Tourist

How can you tell if a turkey is from Germany?

By the way it Goebbels

Where would we be in the world without humour?

Germany.

Why are many electronics handbooks banned in Germany?

diepole

Why couldn't Germany win a world war?

Because they'd Russia lot

Why was Germany in debt after WWII?

The gas bill was too high.

Why did Snoop Dogg go to Germany?

For Schnitzel.

Why was the horizontal plane judged in Germany?

It was x-axis

What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.

What do you call a Germany virgin?

Good 'n' Tight

What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany?

Uncertainty or indifference ' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'

How many countries border Germany?

Nein!

How does Germany pay for all these refugees?

Krautfunding.

What do they say when you leave an abortion clinic in Germany?

Al-fetus-zane

This joke may have profanity.

What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

What is Germany's favorite game?

Mein Kampf

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What's worse than a white guy walking into a church andshooting 9 black people?

He let the others get away... I feel I'll be downvoted to hell for this...

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Yo Momma! My eight-year-old daughter wants to see how many upvotes she can get. Ten-year old brother is interested in downvotes.

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Which 4?

Employee: Electricity, Gas, Cable, Credit Card.

What is similar between gas and water?

Not much, but in Flint they are both regular and unleaded

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Why was the lion alone and disheartened?

He lost his pride in a bet

What do you give an alligator who is having trouble hearing?

A gator-aid. Bet you did see that one coming:P

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How much does it cost to clean up Germany?

About 6 million.

What is the most successful hotel?

Auschwitz, 6 million stars.

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Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

How many communists died during ww2?

not enough

Surrender Jokes More Surrender Jokes

Why do the French always were white when pole vaulting?

So people can see them surrender from afar. Edit: wrong form of the form "wear"

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

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How do fish make calls?

On a shellphone! My 7 year old self was very proud of coming up with this one....

What do pimples and catholic priests have in common?

They both start coming on boys' faces around age 13.

Latte Jokes More Latte Jokes

How do you make a latte?

Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

Cause William Shatner Coffee. hahahha