What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!"

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do you fix a car in India?

Get Atul to do it.

What should a teacher take if he's run down?

The number of the car that hit him.

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

Why did Olly call the manager for help, outside the store?

For the watch..

Where do pirates store their files?

On their RRRRRRR drive.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why don't women need umbrellas?

Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What are your intentions?

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating." ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

What rhymes with left and means steal?

theft

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

How do you sort out Ant and Dec?

Squash one and deal with the other later.

Why do medicine boxes always have a little bit of cotton in them?

To remeber the black man of what he did before he dealt drugs.

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How'd he do that?

Because you can't bowl a 300 and lose.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!