What's this ticket, officer?

Loitering "I didn't drop trash" - No. Loitering. "You talk funny" - It's not- "I'm putting this on Twoiter"

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What do you call a nut that can't talk?

Nutin special. Credit to my 8 year old daughter who made that one up.

What did the cat say to the human after being hit with a baseball bat?

Nothing. Cats don't freaking talk.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?

A flat back four!

How many stockholders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

Trash Jokes More Trash Jokes

Where do trailer park miscarriages go?

Out of the trash and into the garbage

What do you call a homeless man who trashes food you give him then says he only accepts cash?

A rootabaga.

Officer Jokes More Officer Jokes

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

Ticket Jokes More Ticket Jokes

Why did the egg get a ticket from a lady police officer?

Because he was picking up good vibrations.

How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb?

Do you have a ticket for that?